Our Champion · Nuker · Founding Member (named to the Founding Roll) · initiation pending
Book Elijah Holston for comedy, from an estimated $130 entry offer
Champion card
| Champion | Elijah Holston |
| Class / role | Nuker · primary attribute Agility |
| Legion · Cohort | Legio I Imaginifera — Film, Stage & Screen · Stage & Comedy |
| Craft | Comedy, film, and media (performance booking) |
| Abilities (services) | Comedy, Content creation, Performance booking |
| Signature items | Banner: Squeegee Comedy; Instagram portfolio: @theelijahholston |
| Attributes | Experience 6/10 · Reputation 5/10 · Quality 6/10 (Guild estimate) |
| Estimated value | ≈ $430 per engagement — estimate, not their quoted price |
| Golden Apple | 1 Golden Apple to hand on. The friend who holds it emails editor@nightlifereport.app (subject “Golden Apple interview”) with their email, phone and Instagram; Nightlife Report sends the interview questions, then the link to the published interview. Value of the feature: $297. |
| Standing | Founding Member (named to the Founding Roll) · initiation pending |
The hero’s journey
The ordinary world. Elijah works in comedy, film, and media, under the banner Squeegee Comedy, in Legio I Imaginifera (Film, Stage & Screen).
The call. Story in progress.
The ordeal. Story in progress.
The return with the elixir. What Elijah brings back: “Long term vision gets you bigger results”.
The Linchpin
The art. “The basic premise of the show is a window washer and his insufferable cousin. We keep it super simple and stick to that so the audience can just enjoy the sketch instead of thinking too hard about who we are.”
The emotional labor. “We won’t cheapen the quality of the jokes.”
Why indispensable. “The content really speaks for itself. We’ve had over 400 Million views on our videos since May. Between both @squeegeecomedy and @imfernandorealty we’ve mastered the art of entertaining a wide audience.”
How we priced it: $400 anchor (category benchmark) × (0.5 + (E6 + R5 + Q6) ÷ 30 = 1.07) ≈ $430 per engagement; E counts the brand, role, results and awards named in their own answers, R their public links and features, Q how fully and confidently they answered and the standards they set. Self-reported, unverified, not their quoted price.
Why book Elijah
Meet Elijah Holston, one of our Champions in Legio I Imaginifera, Film, Stage & Screen. The banner is Squeegee Comedy. Ask Elijah what the work is and the answer comes straight: “We create comedy sketches to entertain the masses”.
Elijah’s backstory is still being written into the record, and everything on this page comes only from Elijah’s own answers.
Here’s the Big Domino, the one belief that makes the rest of the decision easy. It comes from the game Elijah refuses to play: “We won’t cheapen the quality of the jokes.” Elijah’s line: “Comedy is what gives us life”.
The stack, in plain terms: comedy, content creation, performance booking. Why it’s the obvious choice, in Elijah’s words: “The content really speaks for itself. We’ve had over 400 Million views on our videos since May. Between both @squeegeecomedy and @imfernandorealty we’ve mastered the art of entertaining a wide audience.” For budgeting, the industry benchmark for comedy, film, and media (performance booking) is about $400 per engagement (per event), an industry benchmark, not Elijah’s quoted price. On the Guild’s unified Experience · Reputation · Quality scale we estimate one engagement at about $430, an estimate, not Elijah’s quoted price.
Where this goes next: “It’s a fantastic feeling with we get tons of messages and comments from people saying they were feeling down and our sketches brightened their day. That’s purpose.” Elijah stands on the Founding Roll as a Neophyte, pending acceptance, and the Guild’s job is to protect that work and get it seen. Follow @theelijahholston, and send booking inquiries through Contact via Guild.
The menu: 5 ways to work with Elijah
| Tier | Offering | Estimated value |
| Entry | Custom 60-second sketch shout-out | ≈ $130 |
| Core | Live set or sketch booking (1 event) | ≈ $430 |
| Premium | Branded sketch series (3 sketches) | ≈ $1,290 |
| Continuity | Monthly sketch partnership (2 a month) | ≈ $860 a month |
| Guild trade | 1 sketch collaboration with a Guild member | ≈ $430 in trade (no cash) |
- This is your page. You’re on the Founding Roll because you connected with Nightlife Report. We publish only your name, public Instagram, public website and the services you described. Opt out or ask for removal (subject: Guild opt-out holston-elijah). We act within 2 business days.
- Rates: every dollar figure on this page is an industry benchmark or a Guild estimate, not this Champion’s quoted price. Quotes are from this Champion’s own written answers to Nightlife Report, lightly trimmed.